PAINTING OF NUDE DOUG FORD RIDING EDUCATION MINISTER STEPHEN LECCE
This is a painting of Doug Ford, the trundling icebox cherub and Premier of Ontario whose daddy made a fortune in the modern market manufacturing labels. Doug Ford assumed the family mantle and became the vigilant protector of Canadian conservatism, a fringe cult that religiously prioritizes the personhood of a corporation over the personhood of actual persons. Like a super sh*tty batman.
And who is the equinoid mansport wearing nothing but a gummy sneer that Doug has mounted? Why, that’s Minister of Education Stephen Lecce. Stephen is the nihilist ahuman conclusion to the experiment of allowing the president of a frat house live to the age of 33: an ill socialized mank.
Doug’s body is riddled with empty wrinkled sacks of flesh flapping in the wind because the artist has a woefully inadequate understanding of basic anatomy. If you look close you’ll notice Stephen’s middle and ring finger seem to have disappeared into an unpredictable orifice on Douggie’s thigh. Where did they go? Eeeewwwwww.
Stephen Lecce and Doug Ford both know the key to a thriving economy is an undereducated population that also doesn’t know how to f*ck. That’s why they are trying to make e-learning mandatory, class sizes bigger, and have regressed the sex ed curriculum to its 1998 version (a literal dark age when Third Eye Blind ruled the charts and The Waterboy, an unsanctioned Rob Ford biopic, grossed $40 million in its opening weekend).
Shmanyways, teachers are on strike. They are selfishly putting the needs of children ahead of a greedy, lying, bulb-mottled sack of faded pumpkin flesh and his creamy eyed nubile ward. Doug and Stephen are plodding down the necrotised artery that is the Gardiner Expressway to try and break a picket line. If their wretched pace and abject heaving is any indication, they will collapse in intimate exhaustion long before they make it. Plus, Doug’s BDSM leather bitch mask modded to have bat ears has fully fused to his skin under the hot hot light of the street lamps. He’ll have to wear it for the rest of his life, he’s gonna look like a f*ckin’ moron.
The painting is 4ft x 5ft, and if you make your kids look deep enough into Doug Ford’s listless gaze they’ll fall into a K-Hole of confused hopelessness for hours at a time. Cheaper than daycare!