Jason Kenney wielding the flaccid rifle of strong suggestions as a crow pecks his horse's eyeballs

If I, Aguirre, want the birds to drop dead from the trees... then the birds will drop dead from the trees. I am the Wrath of God… I, the wrath of God, will marry my own daughter and with her I'll found the purest dynasty the earth has ever seen.

-Aguirre, The Wrath of God (1972)

 

Act now and own this deeply affecting depiction of Jason Kenney wielding the flaccid rifle of strong suggestions as a crow pecks the eyeballs out of his horse. Kenney’s baffled. Despite implementing voluntary restrictions encouraging crows to not eat horse eyeballs, the bird continues to rip chunks of opalescent viscera from that poor horse’s sockets. If this continues, Jason might even have to recommend that the crow leave, lest the crow faces the consequences of Kenney asking the same thing again, later on.  

 

Though his gun’s barrel is dangling like a crusty sock on the door to his basement suite, Kenney did limit gatherings of crows to under 15 around the eyeballs and other equally juicy areas. Obviously it’s unfortunate that crows are eating his horse’s eyeballs, but nobody’s saying it’s the goal to have zero crows eating his horse’s eyeballs. If Kenney were to outright get rid of the crows, the horse would just bleed out right there while he stood there doing nothing. What we need is a manageable amount of crows eating Kenney’s horse’s eyeballs. That way he can still ride it around wearing nothing but his oversized cowboy boots, swinging his big dick like the Mundare sausage.

 

This isn’t Kenney’s first rodeo of meek insistence.  He’s spent over $100,000 on trips to America and Mexico begging for investment in Alberta’s flailing energy sector. Every single time he has returned empty handed and undeterred. If these crows want to keep eating horse eyeball, they better be ready be ready to experience the wrath of Kenney sternly telling them to knock it off! Haha, yes! Build that pipe! Build that pipe!

 

18x18, mixed media on canvass. $30,000,000

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