THIS IS A PAINTING OF STEVE ALLAN DOING BONG RIPS AT A CARNIVAL

“Oh shit! Jason Kenney, how weird it is to see you here at the carnival on a workday! Haha, yes, yes, I know that you need my paper on the international conspiracy by foreign agents to smear the oil sands. Of course I’m working on it! I’m working very hard on it, I’m just here for on my lunch break. It’s funny you mention it, I was hoping to talk to you. I know that the deadline is January 31st but I was thinking you could give me an extension. Yes, that’s what I mean, a second extension.  The thing about that is… uh…, well you see, my honourable and handsome Premier, this thing goes deep, and I want to do it right. It’s a communist conspiracy, and we’re barely diddling the glans of the iceberg. Yes. I definitely need more time. More time and more money. In fact, I, uh, have just made contact with an independent researcher. Yes and they have reason to believe that the Rocky Mountains were actually built in the 80s by Reagan and Trudeau Sr. in order to deny us coastal access, thus depriving us of our birthright to be rich as fuck dickheads in perpetuity. Yes, I agree Mr. Premier, huge if true. I fear the worst if we leave this stone unturned. After all, if we release the results of the inquiry without solid evidence, it will amount to nothing more than Albertan industry’s paranoid screed against the dying of the light. What kind of investor confidence would that inspire?

 

So how about it? How about some more time? My son’s law firm could use another contract. Yes. I can say with 100% confidence that by May I will have enough evidence to require a third extension. Anyway, wanna ride this shabby ass carousel that’s just one horse going around in circles forever?”

20x20 acrylic on canvas

Feb 1, 2020

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