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HARDCORE PRAIRIE EROTICA, PAT REHN THE LAST TEXAS COWBOY. LESSER SLAVE LAKE MLA, FRICTIONLESS BIGFOOT, QUARTER SECTION CRYPTID

 

The disquieting tragedy and solitude of Pat Rehn, saddled to a constituency he openly loathes.

 

After a listless two years as an absent MLA boiled over into a mid-pandemic international vacation, Slave Lake City Council unanimously and graciously requested Pat Rehn’s resignation as MLA . This would mean freedom from the meetings he rarely attended, the consultations, the grim self-puppetry required to mimic so called “empathy”. Most of all, an opportunity to tend to his Texas businesses and international vacations unmolested by the lecherous public eye. But Pat was well beyond pride’s event horizon, trapped in a delirious maelstrom of spite. He accused the council of sowing division and then went on a meandering two paragraph tirade against a political party that hasn’t held power in nearly two years.

 

To prove he was in fact a literal physical entity, Pat Rehn bubbled into sight like hot soda fizz from the yellow sunrise. He was bearing a deep and delicious mea culpa of $600 worth of taxpayers’ pizza. The vile gesture was punctuated with the service industry macroaggression of leaving a 0% tip. Pat Rehn’s message was delivered loud and clear: “I’m a fucking inept moron”.

 

What sad song whistles when a horse hates its cowboy? When winter strips the branch’s browned leaves, does the tree whisper thank you? Whose flutey dirge will wheeze when the snake clings to last season’s skinsuit, hard folds carving new regrets with old scars, bug eyed all the while, veiny and cramped, wriggling in its coffin tight cage until Pat Rehn excuse me I mean the snake is just laying there limp but stressed like a rotten old sun blanched penis?

 

3ft x 4ft acrylic on canvas