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Minister of Death Tyler Shandro

Act now and own a piece of Albertan history! This painting of Tyler Shandro is so true to life and photorealistic you can practically hear his petulant screams. Own the beady eyes and squinched grimace of the imbecile driving doctors out of the province and replacing them with costlier, less effective private options in the midst of a global mass death event. By day Shandro soars across the glorious prairies, darkening hospital doors and pissing in the discount masks. By night he trawls the darkest corners of the internet looking for anything vaguely critical of the incredibly shitty job he’s doing.

Remember 100 years ago in May 2019 when it was unequivocally proven that he has the operational vocabulary somewhere between a toddler and a poorly trained dog as he stumbled through an interview repeating the exact same phrase verbatim in a sweaty panic? Tears were welling up in his eyes as he saw his abject incompetence reflected back at him in the unwavering camera lens. He had the coddled innocence and ill-fitting suit of a lost boy. Since that day a subject of frequent discussion amongst Albertans in our living rooms, bars, and Tim Hortenses, has been Tyler Shandro: stupid, or evil?

Why not both! That’s the Alberta advantage. Within minutes of hanging this painting the minister of health himself will crawl out of the oil stain on your driveway like the girl from The Ring and scream cry a meandering monologue of manufactured victimhood at you and your spouse. Here are some other Tyler Shandro facts:

1) Married with two children
2) Avenue Magazine’s Top 40 Under 40 in 2010
3) Born from the first egg laid by a hen and incubated in a pile of manure
4) Crawls into homes through chimneys and keyholes bringing sickness and doom
5) Winged demon

 

Nevermind, I’m thinking of the Lidérc, the blood sucking Magyar nightmare monster that hoards riches and sucks your blood at night.

3ftx3ft, acrylic on canvas.