ABLeg Gift Shop

Nude Jason Kenney Hopelessly Tries to Build a Sandcastle Out Of Oilsands Tailings Delivered By Shopify While A Rotting Buffalo Carcass, Overhead Like A Setting Sun, Is Picked Apart By 14 Obese Crows Named Mark, Kevin, Bob, Danial with an ‘A’, Alex, Karl, Kevin again, Duane, John, Mike, Kirk, Scott, Brad and Jason. The Crows Will Never Fly Again. 

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Jason Kenney Hopelessly Tries to Build a Sandcastle Out Of Oilsands Tailings Deliver By Shopify While A Rotting Buffalo Carcass, Overhead Like A Setting Sun, Is Picked Apart By 14 Obese Crows Named Mark, Kevin, Bob, Danial with an ‘A’, Alex, Karl, Kevin again, Duane, John, Mike, Kirk, Scott, Brad and Jason. The Crows Will Never Fly Again. is situated in a unique conflux of sociohistorical events that bear some exploration to fully grasp the providence of this relic in unprecedented times.

 

Crowning the piece is a buffalo serving as a buffet for fourteen obese crows. The crows are allowed to gorge themselves on the fast decaying body, and the rest of us get the privilege of slurping up their poopy like a malnourishing milkshake. Once the rib cage is picked down to a flawless white waning moon grimace the crows will perish, too fat and stupid to find an alternative source of food.

 

Taking occasional reprieve from his toil below, Kenney will wipe the tailings off his clammy hands with a crusty towel and dispense advice to Albertans, in the most recent case, to emulate the buffalo. You see, in a storm our ruffled ungulate buddies will “herd closely together and go into the storm head on, coming out of it faster, stronger, and united”

 

Telling everyone to herd closely together at this time may not seem like great advice. But, unless the buffalo cannibalize their elderly and immunocompromised for rickety marrow sustenance and carbon rich clumps of hair, how will they emerge faster and stronger and not emaciated, pissed, and aroused? Like Jason Kenney I too am a near incoherent poet living in a fantasy world, and executing an effective metaphor or simile is difficult like sand.

 

Now let’s turn our attention to the eerie presence of the promise gilded tailings barrel in the bottom left. This necessitates a bit of a deeper dive:

 

Rat free for 70 years, over 90% of we Albertans have lived our entire lives in the province without learning how to properly flee a sinking ship. This fact is widely cited by political scientists as an explanation for why Alberta is functionally not a democracy. No, no it’s more like an onion. Layers upon layers of tangy corruption, tear-inducing, and good with perogies.

 

Anyway, born in Ontario and raised in Saskatchewan, Jason has the keen rat-acumen of knowing when to offboard a sinking vessel. That’s why he is taking the coronavirus is an opportunity to pivot himself away from this sh*thole province into the vibrant career of a New Media Content Influencer.  He’s already started on Twitter, shilling pro-bono for Ontario based all in one e-commerce platform Shopify. It was complete with twee attention grabbing emojis that would make the Kardashian family diarrhea themselves with envy. Lining up the gig was easy for Kenney given that the company’s VP had worked for him in 2011. If Kenney’s previous contacts offer a blueprint for his work as an influencer, his future clients will include wretched gay hating bigots, and um… like, I guess Jesuits?

 

This is a wise move. The silty tailings will never hold form in Kenney’s tangled fists, no matter how much he begs OPEC and wants it to be 2007 again. On the upside, his big ol’ phallus is pipeline juicy, ever corpulent and plankton stuffed like the innard of a gluttonous bivalve. One of the crows, Brad, is gazing deep into his unblinking urethra.

 

The painting is 4ft x 5ft, mixed media on canvas. Would be a great Easter gift for your local rectory or grubby mad-eyed child. Prints available, please contact.

 

ABLegGiftShop is a society dedicated to the preservation of Albertan social and political history. A full repository of work can be found at ABLegGiftShop.com. I am currently looking for a sleeker online presence. A streamlined platform that will help me build a brand, explore stock images, and amplify my brand.