Erin O'Toole and The Last Tree in Canada

This is a painting of leader of the Conservative Party, Erin O’Toole, and the last tree in Canada, because we need a party further to the right of the pipeline buying, child suing, electoral-reform-lying-about government we currently have.

 

At their most recent policy convention, the Conservatives voted against a motion of adding a line stating that “climate change is real” and the party “is willing to act” to their policy book. It was a spicy 54-46 split that no doubt cast a grim pall over the usually joyous afterparty tradition of slathering each other up in pig’s grease and edging themselves to Stephen Harper’s bone chilling rendition of “With a Little Help from my Friends”

 

The Prairies, a formidable voting bloc of flat-earthers (carbon just gets blown right into space by four strong winds) and nihilistic land barons that want to turn Moosejaw into beachfront property, voted against the motion in the largest numbers. The Atlantic provinces voted majority in favour of listening to science, but probably only because by some impossible fluke they have the lowest Covid numbers and their brains are foggy from liberal indulgences like “hugging” and “public gatherings”.

 

And so the party has spoken! Here’s Erin and the last tree in Canada. His body is the curdled yellow of a Tim Horton’s breakfast sandwich; the tree the ashy black of a Tim Horton’s breakfast sandwich bacon. He has a raised knobby finger, whom does Erin shush? What raging secret is squeezed into those blanched buns of his? Bug eyed, cagey, an avatar of artful ambiguity, embodiment of the CPC’s newest slogan:

 

We Don’t Believe in Climate Change, But We Don’t Not Believe in Climate Change Either!

 

This will clear things up for the stupid, confused voters of Canada who might be duped into thinking that when a party votes against saying climate change is real it means they think climate change isn’t real when in reality, they are so good at knowing climate change is real that they don’t even have to say climate change is real and besides, Erin O’Toole says climate change is real, so we should listen to him even if the party says it isn’t, which it doesn’t, it just doesn’t say it is, just like when American citizen and former party leader Andrew Scheer wouldn’t say the gays weren’t going to hell but we weren’t supposed to listen to what he wasn’t saying but in Erin’s case listen to what he’s saying even though you don’t need to because the party won’t say what he’s saying because they’re basically already saying it so they don’t need to say it but Erin O’Toole says it is so it wouldn’t not be a thing if it wasn’t said, which it is.

 

Look fuck man I don’t know. This is what happens when the right get crowded out by the libs so far onto the bleakest fringes of society that the only things that *might* actually set them apart are too abhorrent to say out loud.

 

3x4 acrylic on canvas
3/23/2021

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