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The Sun Kissed Visages of Tracy Allard and Jeremy Nixon Dangling from a Palm Tree while a Silhouetted Jason Kenney Blindly Swings a Limp Wet Shaft of Driftwood at a Pinata Stuffed with WestJet Gift Certificates or, Entitled Fuckos

The dreamlike surrealism of this work evokes the technicolour fog marinating the brains of the staffers and MLAs that travelled internationally during a global pandemic: a state of bleary selfishness that was previously assumed to be the domain of toddlers who’ve just learned how to lie and possibly Gollum.


Allard is the poster child for this scandal, one that will be remembered as probably to be honest one of the less dangerous and reprehensible actions the UCP have crammed into the moldy canvas sack that is 2020. She decided the best way to honour the sacrifice of the thousands of Albertans that have died alone in a hospital was to keep her 17-year streak of going to Hawaii for Christmas intact.


For his part, Jeremy Nixon went on the trip because it was ‘pre-planned’, not one of those unplanned, spur of the moment tropical vacations we severely normal Albertans are always taking. He actually literally bought the tickets ahead of time.


If we expect our leaders to adjust their actions based on changing circumstance, what’s next? Making companies pay the taxes they owe to rural municipalities? Not laying off 11000 healthcare workers in the middle of a pandemic?  Tabling a budget that isn’t based on an oil price so firmly in the realm of high fantasy it would make Tolkien shit his coffin? Get real, snowflake. This is the real world. And here in the real world, it’s the year 2007, with a bit of dark ages Christianity thrown in for good measure.


Jason Kenney took full responsibility for the regrettable lapses in judgement on Friday and accordingly bore the consequences of their actions this Monday. He promptly removed all offending members from cabinet positions and committees. If it sounds to you like he’s in fact offloading the responsibility onto everyone but him, my rebuttal to you is fuck Trudeau.


Anyhow, this painting is 3ft x 3ft, mixed media on canvas. It’s painted directly over a previous piece “Jason Kenney Riding a Dead Horse like a Surfboard on the 2nd Wave into a Beach Made of Skeletons” because I’m afraid the UCP was taking my surfing imagery too seriously. I take full responsibility for this error and in penance will go yell at my neighbour’s driveway. Fuckin’ driveway.  



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