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Big Dicked Jason Kenney Soaked in Oil

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This is the 2nd in a series of three 4ft x 5ft nudes I was lucky enough to paint of our provincial premier Jason Kenney: hero, savior, adonis.

 

Jason Kenney is a paragon of effective, modern, conservatism that is destined to usher Alberta back into an era of prosperity. As the world progresses towards ensuring global temperatures stay low enough that the bone marrow in our cooked skeletons will be edible for cockroaches and mealworms, Kenney is brave enough to say “No more”.

 

Luckily, Kenney isn’t alone. He is joined by an Avengers-esque brotherhood of realists, rebels, and red pill-ers that includes most other provincial premiers, the prime minister, and the majority of world leaders. They are joining forces against the tree fucking commies and finally standing up for the rights of stateless billion dollar corporations.

 

Smanyways, how will Kenney return us to an era of prosperity? Simple. Take note of his big pendulous dick. He intends to swing it counterclockwise like the hands of a clock in a science fiction film to take us back in time to June 2008: Oil was selling for 145.93/barrel, Edmontonians told themselves the Oilers were in a “rebuild year” without wincing, and an Australian delicacy was a shrimp from the barbie, not koala flambé.

 

He would have done this earlier, but he had to relieve his urinary tract of weighty ballast by trickling down onto the province to the point that we are running the biggest deficit in history while hilariously somehow still slashing funding for healthcare, education, infrastructure, and losing thousands of jobs in the process, haha! By Kenney’s own admission it is a painful process, but thankfully we won’t have to live in this unfixable reality once he takes us back in time.

 

The painting would look great in an abandoned corporate headquarter, overcrowded classroom, or as the logo of, oh, I don’t know, some kind of inept ministry of propaganda, you know, a “Energy Centre”.

 

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