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Adriana LaGrange Presents the New Curriculum

This is a portrait of Minister of Education Adriana LaGrange. She is holding the steaming pile of nonsensical bullshit that will be Alberta’s new K-12 curriculum. At the heart of the odourous mound is the wavering outline of the head of the curriculum review, Angus MacBeath. It is Angus’ job to undo the years of work began by those lefty eco-polycommuno-radicals, the PC government, and replace it with something that honours Alberta’s new reality as a province of hucksters, con-artists, and braindead swine licking the blank walls of the rusted out trough of broken ideology.


Angus brings decades of experience and a visionary dream of Albertan students (those that survive the 2020 Plague Culling) as the kind of person you’d want to buy a used car from. A pragmatic uninspiring future, but maybe Angus has a point. You can see the flop sweat glistening on LaGrange like the Adriatic in a spring morn as she tries to get through this four year grift without being outed as a dangerous fraud. If the UCP get their way, the next generation of politicians, all pockmarked and wheezing from Covid, will not show such a naked degree of non-confidence in their wretched ideas.


Minister LaGrange is also wearing a pile of tiny skulls like a tiara. The skull tiara is a symbolic representation of child skulls, which LaGrange plans to wear as a tiara at a November press conference when she declares the reopening of schools as an unmitigated success given that only 0.5% of schoolgoing children perished from Covid-19.


“Well below the expected death rate, considering our government’s stance on reopening schools was ‘haha, fuck you, you’re on your own!” she will perkily point out, skull tiara jiggling, worms and flies pouring from the glaring, sad, eye sockets.


Buying this painting is literally the only stable investment an Albertan can make. It is 3ftx3ft, mixed media on canvas. Prints available.